I am in awe of anyone who bakes successfully. There is something about baking that has always eluded me and I have never been very good at it. My cookies are too flat, my cakes are too dense, and don't even get me started on the praline fiasco of Christmas 2010. Baking is a technical art and there is little room for error. Perhaps that is why I seemed doomed to failure.
Last night I felt domestically inspired and pulled out a recipe from my grandmother for Cream Cheese Pound Cake with Strawberry Filling. Well, to be exact the recipe itself came from Better Homes and Gardens, one of many issues my grandmother piled into my arms on my recent visit. I think she was trying to tell me something. Well anyway, the recipe didn't call for anything too unusual and it sounded manageable. As long as I used the right ingredients in the right amounts and followed directions exactly, I should end up with a delicious cake just like the one in the picture. Antique cake plate, strawberry garnish, festive linens and all.
What I ended up with, however, was an oozing, somewhat mushy mess on a dinner plate. I'm not quite sure exactly where I took the wrong turn. I know I measured the sugar wrong at first, but I caught my error and added more later. I know I used a bundt pan and not a tube pan, but they're practically the same thing right? And I know my oven bakes at a deceptively higher temperature than its setting, so I turned down the heat. But that's the thing about baking. One small detail can be off and things just don't turn out. Add your sugar too late, use the wrong pan, or crank your heat a few degrees too high and you could end up scraping strawberry lava from the oven floor.
I am so glad the rest of life doesn't follow this pattern. It's so reassuring to know that I can make a little mistake here (Hello, bangs?) and a little error there (What do you mean you can't put potato peelings down the garbage disposal?) and things will ultimately balance out. And often what seems like a misstep at the time, actually turns into something quite beautiful. (So I quit my job and packed my things but now I can't move to Seattle after all? Kansas City here I come!) Even the daily hiccups and little catastrophes are a part of a wonderfully complex masterpiece we call life.
So don't be afraid to throw some ingredients in a bowl, mix it up, and bake it at some mystery temperature. That mess you call a failure? It's just one more lesson learned.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
fresh
You may have noticed that things look a little different around here. I reformatted, renamed, and reworked this tired blog a bit. The new title is based on my recent obsession with the sparrow. You see, faith is a hard journey for me. I find it difficult to trust God for my needs and for the desires of my heart. But His Word says that he cares and provides for even the smallest sparrow. These brave little birds live in the moment - gathering only what they need for the day - knowing in full confidence that God will still be God tomorrow. So I see myself, and what I hope to be, in these tiny creatures, and I want to use my own sparrow call to share my personal navigation through this messy life.
See you in the sky!
See you in the sky!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
a letter
As I promised my Facebook friends yesterday, here is a copy of the letter I will be sending to my state representative in opposition to House Bill 628. If you are looking for more information about the bill, click here or Google "Missouri House Bill 628". If you would like to send a message to your representative, please click here. Feel free to copy and paste, tweak and edit, or to use the format provided by NEA.
Dear Representative:
I am writing to encourage you to vote "no" to Missouri House Bill 628. As an educator myself, I feel that this bill would be detrimental not only to teachers, but more importantly to the students they serve.
You would be hard-pressed to find anyone in the education field who does not support education reform, but attacking and blaming teachers will not solve this country's educational dilemmas. Educational reform should be the overhaul of a system, not of personnel. This bill is an attempt to point the finger and place blame where it doesn't belong. Every day there are countless educators spending their own time and money to support their students, going above and beyond the minimum requirements of their job to provide a future of hope to the children of Missouri.
Despite the opinion stated in this bill, tenure is not designed to protect ineffective teachers, but rather to protect those that are effective. As economic pressures increase, what is to keep districts from laying off more experienced, and thus higher-paid, educators in favor of new hires?
Regardless of whether tenure is to continue, the proposed system is a completely irrational replacement. A tiered system is dangerous to the entire education system. Pitting teachers against each other only creates competition, not cooperation, for student success. In my current school teachers work together in professional learning communities to use data to make decisions about instruction. These practices are being put into place all over the nation with high levels of success. I believe a competitive tiered system would put this progress in jeopardy.
In addition, I currently teach a small group of at-risk children, many with extreme behavior issues, who do not qualify for special education. I volunteered for this position, knowing the challenges, in hopes that I would be able to impact these students and guide them in personal and academic success. However, because of their risk factors, they often do not score as highly on standardized testing as other students in their age group. Under the proposed system I would be penalized for their scores, despite my dedication and effective practices. Fortunately I have confidence in my performance as reflected by my administrator's evaluation, but since that would only account for half of my rank, I fear that I would quickly find myself near the bottom tier. I am sure I would be joined by many other highly effective teachers who happened to have a greater number of students with risk-factors beyond their control.
Then there is the matter of districts with a high volume of quality educators. The bill states that there can be no more than 40% of a district's teachers in the top tier. So in essence you are still penalizing good teachers by cutting them out of this arbitrary percentage. In the meantime, we educators will live in an uncertain economic state. My salary could be up one year with a group of bright students, and down the next. That makes it very difficult to manage finances and help support a family.
If this bill were to pass I believe you would soon find Missouri with a severe teacher shortage. If you ask any educator you will find that they did not pursue teaching because of the money to be made or the ease of the job. We have joined this profession because we love children and we love making a difference in their lives. In the end, there is no surer way to drive away great teachers than to create a sense of fear and overwhelming pressure in the career that they love.
Please vote no on this bill and help put some sense back in educational reform.
Sincerely,
Dear Representative:
I am writing to encourage you to vote "no" to Missouri House Bill 628. As an educator myself, I feel that this bill would be detrimental not only to teachers, but more importantly to the students they serve.
You would be hard-pressed to find anyone in the education field who does not support education reform, but attacking and blaming teachers will not solve this country's educational dilemmas. Educational reform should be the overhaul of a system, not of personnel. This bill is an attempt to point the finger and place blame where it doesn't belong. Every day there are countless educators spending their own time and money to support their students, going above and beyond the minimum requirements of their job to provide a future of hope to the children of Missouri.
Despite the opinion stated in this bill, tenure is not designed to protect ineffective teachers, but rather to protect those that are effective. As economic pressures increase, what is to keep districts from laying off more experienced, and thus higher-paid, educators in favor of new hires?
Regardless of whether tenure is to continue, the proposed system is a completely irrational replacement. A tiered system is dangerous to the entire education system. Pitting teachers against each other only creates competition, not cooperation, for student success. In my current school teachers work together in professional learning communities to use data to make decisions about instruction. These practices are being put into place all over the nation with high levels of success. I believe a competitive tiered system would put this progress in jeopardy.
In addition, I currently teach a small group of at-risk children, many with extreme behavior issues, who do not qualify for special education. I volunteered for this position, knowing the challenges, in hopes that I would be able to impact these students and guide them in personal and academic success. However, because of their risk factors, they often do not score as highly on standardized testing as other students in their age group. Under the proposed system I would be penalized for their scores, despite my dedication and effective practices. Fortunately I have confidence in my performance as reflected by my administrator's evaluation, but since that would only account for half of my rank, I fear that I would quickly find myself near the bottom tier. I am sure I would be joined by many other highly effective teachers who happened to have a greater number of students with risk-factors beyond their control.
Then there is the matter of districts with a high volume of quality educators. The bill states that there can be no more than 40% of a district's teachers in the top tier. So in essence you are still penalizing good teachers by cutting them out of this arbitrary percentage. In the meantime, we educators will live in an uncertain economic state. My salary could be up one year with a group of bright students, and down the next. That makes it very difficult to manage finances and help support a family.
If this bill were to pass I believe you would soon find Missouri with a severe teacher shortage. If you ask any educator you will find that they did not pursue teaching because of the money to be made or the ease of the job. We have joined this profession because we love children and we love making a difference in their lives. In the end, there is no surer way to drive away great teachers than to create a sense of fear and overwhelming pressure in the career that they love.
Please vote no on this bill and help put some sense back in educational reform.
Sincerely,
Sunday, March 13, 2011
a parable
The other day a friend of mine who is a doctor told me about an interesting experience. She was preparing to perform surgery on a patient when some man in a suit walked into the operating room. He informed her that he was there to instruct her on surgery and to evaluate her performance. When she replied that this was a high-risk operation and that the patient had many risk-factors that might prevent a successful operation, he dismissed this with a wave. He said she either must completely overcome these or perhaps she should only take on the patients with the highest chances of survival. He was instating a new hospital policy that said that only the doctors who saved the most lives would be able to keep their jobs and make a good salary. My friend the doctor reminded this man that there are many factors beyond a doctor's control and that sometimes, despite their best efforts, patients may not survive. The man simply replied that she should have thought about that before deciding to help people by joining the medical profession. Finally frustrated, the doctor almost considered walking out, but she felt she could not abandon her patient, who she had come to care about and whose well-being she had been advocating. She began the surgery and the man stood over her shoulder with instructions, reminding her that if she failed to do exactly as he said, she might lose her job. Unfortunately, as the operation continued it became clear that the man had no operating experience at all and his instructions were inaccurate and often times dangerous. My friend was torn. Should she perform the surgery as the man instructed and risk losing the patient, or take the steps she felt were necessary to save their life and risk losing her career? Out of fear she chose to do as she was told. Sadly, the operation was unsuccessful and the patient lost his life. As the monitor beeped a flat line, the man scribbled notes and turned to leave. My friend the doctor, crushed with the realization that she had let someone bully her into not doing what was best for her patient, could only ask one question. "Did you ever lose a patient as a surgeon?" she whispered. The man replied, "Surgeon? I majored in business," and he walked out.
The next day my friend quit her job because she couldn't take the pressure. Other surgeons quickly followed and soon the hospital found itself extremely short-staffed. There were too many patients per doctor and at first the doctors tried to spread their attention evenly among them. However, as time went on, they noticed that all of their patients were doing poorly. So instead they decided to give all their care to the cases that were the most likely to survive, while leaving those that had less chance to fend for themselves. The result? This hospital, once successful and able to save many lives, now could only save the lives of a select few.
Think this story sounds made up? You're right. It may not have happened in a hospital or to a doctor, but is happening. It's happening daily to teachers all over this country - being told how to do their job by those with no experience in the field, being penalized for working with at-risk students, and ultimately being forced out of a profession they once loved because the pressure has become too great. So the next time you are thinking how to vote or where to put your trust, consider the people who spend every day in the trenches of education overcoming seemingly impossible odds and helping children to overcome poverty, hunger, and chaotic lives to reach their dreams.
And imagine yourself on that operating table. Do you want the surgeon to follow her training and professional instinct, or to follow her fear and the direction an unqualified source? I, for one, will take the expert.
The next day my friend quit her job because she couldn't take the pressure. Other surgeons quickly followed and soon the hospital found itself extremely short-staffed. There were too many patients per doctor and at first the doctors tried to spread their attention evenly among them. However, as time went on, they noticed that all of their patients were doing poorly. So instead they decided to give all their care to the cases that were the most likely to survive, while leaving those that had less chance to fend for themselves. The result? This hospital, once successful and able to save many lives, now could only save the lives of a select few.
Think this story sounds made up? You're right. It may not have happened in a hospital or to a doctor, but is happening. It's happening daily to teachers all over this country - being told how to do their job by those with no experience in the field, being penalized for working with at-risk students, and ultimately being forced out of a profession they once loved because the pressure has become too great. So the next time you are thinking how to vote or where to put your trust, consider the people who spend every day in the trenches of education overcoming seemingly impossible odds and helping children to overcome poverty, hunger, and chaotic lives to reach their dreams.
And imagine yourself on that operating table. Do you want the surgeon to follow her training and professional instinct, or to follow her fear and the direction an unqualified source? I, for one, will take the expert.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
not so dusty after all
One of my New Year's resolutions is to read the entire Bible. I got a late start, beginning on the first of February, but I figure it doesn't really matter when the year starts or stops, as long as it happens. Now admittedly I am not always on track with the days and I often find myself doubling up to make up for reading I've missed. But once again, what matters is that it happens.
The structure I'm using to read the Bible is a combination of Old and New Testament each day.
Honestly, I felt when I started this little adventure that I needed to have some New Testament each day because I thought the Old Testament always seemed so strange with its laws and dry with its long genealogies. But I have found true beauty in the old and God is speaking to me more than I ever would have imagined as I explore the stories of his ancient people. So in honor of that, here are my 3 favorite Old Testament stories so far (keep in mind I'm only in Exodus and I'm already having a hard time deciding favorites!):
3. Joseph - His brothers sell him into slavery, but God is faithful and he eventually becomes head of his master's house. Oops! But then he's thrown in jail...and once again God is faithful and Joseph rises to leadership in the jail. He is eventually freed by Pharaoh and guess what, he becomes head of his household and eventually all of Egypt! He eventually saves the people from starvation in a time of famine. In the end, when reunited with his betraying brothers, he grants them mercy because he knows that the Lord has used his life and his circumstances to be a blessing to others and to bring him glory. (Lesson: Get over my woe-is-me attitude about the struggles I face. God is at work!)
2. Moses and the Israelites - Moses, feeling totally inadequate, is called by the Lord to go to Pharaoh and request that he free the Israelite people. God gives him a miraculous staff to perform wonders and a range of plagues to convince the king of Egypt, but He also says He will harden Pharaoh's heart and the king will not give in. What? You see, God is the God of the Impossible. He wants there to be no doubt that it is He who has freed his people, not the works of any man. And just to make sure they're all paying attention to who deserves the credit, he corners them against the Red Sea as the Egyptians pursue them and miraculously orders the sea to part for his people and to rejoin to consume the enemy. (Lesson: God can and will do anything for his people and he deserves all the glory.)
1. Creation - This is by far my favorite part of the entire Bible. God so lovingly creates the world from nothingness, giving attention to every detail, recognizing its beauty and goodness along the way. But creation is not complete without his most wonderful masterpiece - humans. From his very breath and the dust of the ground we are formed - each gender intentionally and purposefully. And even when Adam and Eve sin for the first time and bring about the eternal separation of God and man, we see God's unending grace and love for us. He seeks them out in the garden, calling to them. He is just in his punishment, but still gracious in his care. (Lesson: God will always seek us when we stray, rebuking us in love and drawing us back to his care.)
I'm sure as I continue to read through the Word that I will discover and re-discover more stories that touch my heart in ways I didn't expect. What are your favorites?
The structure I'm using to read the Bible is a combination of Old and New Testament each day.
Honestly, I felt when I started this little adventure that I needed to have some New Testament each day because I thought the Old Testament always seemed so strange with its laws and dry with its long genealogies. But I have found true beauty in the old and God is speaking to me more than I ever would have imagined as I explore the stories of his ancient people. So in honor of that, here are my 3 favorite Old Testament stories so far (keep in mind I'm only in Exodus and I'm already having a hard time deciding favorites!):
3. Joseph - His brothers sell him into slavery, but God is faithful and he eventually becomes head of his master's house. Oops! But then he's thrown in jail...and once again God is faithful and Joseph rises to leadership in the jail. He is eventually freed by Pharaoh and guess what, he becomes head of his household and eventually all of Egypt! He eventually saves the people from starvation in a time of famine. In the end, when reunited with his betraying brothers, he grants them mercy because he knows that the Lord has used his life and his circumstances to be a blessing to others and to bring him glory. (Lesson: Get over my woe-is-me attitude about the struggles I face. God is at work!)
2. Moses and the Israelites - Moses, feeling totally inadequate, is called by the Lord to go to Pharaoh and request that he free the Israelite people. God gives him a miraculous staff to perform wonders and a range of plagues to convince the king of Egypt, but He also says He will harden Pharaoh's heart and the king will not give in. What? You see, God is the God of the Impossible. He wants there to be no doubt that it is He who has freed his people, not the works of any man. And just to make sure they're all paying attention to who deserves the credit, he corners them against the Red Sea as the Egyptians pursue them and miraculously orders the sea to part for his people and to rejoin to consume the enemy. (Lesson: God can and will do anything for his people and he deserves all the glory.)
1. Creation - This is by far my favorite part of the entire Bible. God so lovingly creates the world from nothingness, giving attention to every detail, recognizing its beauty and goodness along the way. But creation is not complete without his most wonderful masterpiece - humans. From his very breath and the dust of the ground we are formed - each gender intentionally and purposefully. And even when Adam and Eve sin for the first time and bring about the eternal separation of God and man, we see God's unending grace and love for us. He seeks them out in the garden, calling to them. He is just in his punishment, but still gracious in his care. (Lesson: God will always seek us when we stray, rebuking us in love and drawing us back to his care.)
I'm sure as I continue to read through the Word that I will discover and re-discover more stories that touch my heart in ways I didn't expect. What are your favorites?
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