laryngitis

Have you ever lost your voice before? Mine currently sounds like a series of raspy croaks with intervals of unintentional squeaks and various other noises I didn't know were possible from an adult voice box. I'm like a broken microphone catching only every other word and cracking into ear-splitting feedback forcing others to cover their ears and shudder in pain. It's rather annoying. No, annoying isn't adequate. It is debilitating.

Now before you go thinking I'm just being over dramatic, (which I never am, how on earth could you accuse me of such a crime!) let me explain. I communicate for a living. I use my voice like an artist uses paint or a carpenter uses tools. As a teacher so much of what I do requires me to speak. My words can paint pictures of pioneers and parallelograms, make tears evaporate from crying eyes, and stop a nine year-old pencil-launcher in mid-throw. I need my words. And I can't have them. Now you see the problem.

But here's the silver lining: without the sound of my own voice, the rest of the world takes over. I'm hearing my family, my students, and my friends more clearly. They have great ideas. They have beautiful lives that I miss when I'm always the one speaking. The wind chimes outside my window, Missy Higgins on my iPod, my dog barking at a squirrel. Mozart who?

The best thing I've done has been to go on a long walk and listen for God. I always tend to think when God speaks it is going to be some kind of booming echo across the valleys, but God is rarely is what I expect. He is subtle in the way he communicates with us and if we are too busy listening to the sound of our own voices we will miss what he has to say. So many times I sit down to pray and I talk ceaselessly from "Dear God" to "Amen", leaving no room for the Holy Spirit to lean down and whisper in my ear. This morning, his voice was on the wind as it swirled around me. "Come to me. Keep coming. Don't hide. This is all for you." Words of love that spark feelings of homesickness; it's been so long since I've let him speak.

What do you need to hear from God? That he has a plan for you? That he will never leave you? That you are a masterpiece of his creation? Maybe the best thing you can do for God today is lose your voice.