the tightrope

Driving home last night after a long and enjoyable evening, I was having a great conversation with a friend about dating and relationships. (When you're single about 75% of your conversations revolve around this topic. The other 25% is comprised of work-related talk and discussing whether these jeans make you look fat.) As we talked about the usual topic - the difficulty of meeting, or even finding, single Christian men who aren't socially awkward - I found myself gradually puffing with pride.

In our group of friends there is a multitude of single women. The ratio is very unbalanced. These women are incredible. And I'm not just saying that because they are my friends. They are. Nurses, teachers, counselors. Getting graduate degrees, taking on leadership at work, buying houses. Serving others, giving advice, intentionally reaching out. These are beautiful, strong, independent, thoughtful, loving women. I am in good company. But how is it that this incredible pool of female amazement remains single? And not just unmarried, but some of us without a date since tight-rolling and big bangs were in style. On my last date I saw the movie Titanic. In the theater.

As I stewed in my indignant outrage regarding this perplexing matter, my conversation with my friend turned to whose fault it is. I, of course, claimed it was all the males. They don't know how to pursue a woman anymore, they're all looking for the nonexistent ideal - the supermodel who has her doctorate and cooks a fantastic pot roast - and the like. But my friend challenged me to think about my (and our) part in the whole mess of dating. We as women need to be open to the men in our lives, not letting ourselves be taken advantage of and not "settling", but willing to get to know someone, to reserve judgment, and see where things go. It is okay to encourage a potential suitor (I like the old-fashioned phrasing of that, don't you?) by showing an interest in that person without being consumed by it - my usual downfall.

My friend and I ultimately concluded that responsibility lies with both sides. It is a delicate tightrope we walk in the world of dating and relationships. Lean too far to either side and disaster happens. I can do my part, but in the meantime I am going to enjoy being a part of an amazing group of single women who inspire me daily. Oh, and by the way, do these jeans make me look fat?