goodbye

One of the hazards of my job is that I care. I care a lot. I care to the point where my life weaves in with the lives of my students. You can't teach in a place like this and not give yourself daily to these children. Each one has a little fragment of my heart.

Today one left. It was unexpected. He has been my biggest struggle, the thorn in my side, the focus of so much energy and so many nights lying awake at 4 am. His anger and intimidation of other students could be overwhelming at times. Yet, underneath the entire time was a wounded soul - hurt, lost, on shaky ground that left him fearful of abandonment. I saw the real him, like rays of light peeking through cracks in storm clouds. I wanted to help him, to be the hand that reached into that lonely place and pulled him out of the dark that was his anger and fear. But now I won't get that chance. He left today for another school, another teacher, another hole to hide in. And now comes the really hard part of my job - letting go. I have cared and hugged and listened and now I watch as he turns the corner and out of my life to a future unknown to me or him. I have to release him to other hands and trust that along the way God will use the piece of my heart that I have planted in this child to bring some good to his life and to the world around him.

And yet, life moves forward. Another child moves in and takes his place. He will sit in his desk, in his corner of the room, and he will look at me with eyes that seek love and acceptance and I will give a fragment of my heart to him. And I will hope.