It is the an eerie feeling to leave school in the middle of the day. You know that life will go on without you, kids will come and go from the room, and teaching and learning will still happen. (Though in my case this is usually accompanied by complete destruction of the room and bringing the substitute close to tears.) As I drove away from the school at noon today, blowing my nose and trying not to cough all over my steering wheel, I got to thinking about how uncomfortable I am knowing that I am not needed. Now I'm not saying that I don't make a difference, that what I do doesn't matter, but ultimately, life goes on without me. I think I am uncomfortable with this feeling because of my tendency to think of myself as the center of the universe. Almost everything I do, even when I am giving or helping others, I do because I gain something from it. This is hard to admit.
All of this makes me wonder what God thinks about me thinking about myself this way. (A confusing sentence, no? An even more confusing thought...) Essentially I make myself God every day. I put myself in His place and seek to bring more glory to myself rather than to Him. And if I am uncomfortable not being needed and important - I, who have little to offer other than a great guacamole recipe, bad jokes, and a knowledge of random useless trivia - how then does God - Creator of the universe, King of Kings, Alpha and Omega - feel when I do not make him important? When I live like I don't need Him? I think he is more than uncomfortable.
A tough thought to chew on and one I plan on exploring, especially since the only thing I have to do right now is blow my nose and drink plenty of fluids. Who says skipping school can't change your life?
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