does anyone here speak manish?

It's no secret that I have very little dating experience. We're talking serious man-drought. 10 years of it. That's one fourth of the time the Israelites wandered the desert. It's the age of my students. It's an entire decade, people.

Well, this lack of experience has been both good and challenging as I've navigated my relationship now. Perhaps the most difficult hurdle to overcome has been understanding how we are different as men and women and trying to communicate. If you want to know what it's like, just try watching the Spanish channel with your hands over your ears and everybody speaking backwards. It's tough. It's frustrating. And neither side is right or wrong. He's logical. I'm emotional. He says exactly what he means no matter how blunt it may be. I sugar-coat and dance around the issue. He tunes out or makes jokes. I sigh and cry and roll my eyes.

These differences can cause stress and challenges in communicating. But they are the same differences that make us human and unique. God created each gender to have strengths that would complement the other. And when things are working together harmoniously, it's really rather beautiful. It may take a lot of work, some long nights, and occasionally an interpreter, but the reward is great. As I'm learning to understand his idiosyncrasies and he's gradually beginning to grasp my minor insanity, we are growing closer to one another and closer to the vision that God has for our relationship.

Fortunately in the meantime I am becoming quite proficient at man-speak. So in honor of all guys out there, let me just say, "Dude". And thanks for growing with us.

a very good year

Have you ever been to a fancy restaurant and ordered a bottle of wine? They bring it out to you, show you the bottle, pour a little, and wait while you sample it. Of course I know nothing about wine, other than the simple fact that I like it, so I usually just sip it and say something really profound like, "Mmmm tasty!" and wait for the snobbish waiter to go away and gossip about me in the kitchen. Well another thing that has always confused me about wine is the claim that the bottle is from a "very good year." I'm sure it has something to do with the quality of the grapes from that particular harvest. Maybe there was more rain or fewer pests. The vines bore fruit that was beautiful, delicious, and fragrant.

This has become my theme for the new year. Not just because it has to do with wine and I can use it as an excuse to drink more of it, but for the deeper implications as well. You see, the year 2010 was a year of trial and struggle. Yes, there was much good to be thankful for. I have a job I was made for. I have a comfortable house and two snuggly mutts. I have fallen in love. But God had a plan for me this past year that was not an easy one. It was worthwhile, important, life-changing, but not easy. Struggles hit like crashing waves on rocky shores, pounding down my selfishness, my pride, my need for control. It's been tough.

Now as I look forward to 2011 I don't want to forget the lessons learned in the previous year. I want to use that season to carry me into a new one. From a season of drought to a season of plenty. The true change, however, is not my circumstances, but my heart. I may be tempted to give credit to "more rain" (money, time, relationships) and "fewer pests" (challenges, difficulties, strain and struggle). But the true cause for a sweeter fruit this year will be my hope in the Lord. As I draw closer to him and learn to trust him in his faithfulness my heart will grow, and grow strong. My roots will be deep. I will reach for the sun. I will produce a sweet harvest of love, compassion, wisdom, and grace. And at the end of this year, when it's all bottled and put away, I'll be able to look back and say, yes it was a very good year.


Blessings to you as you begin a new year. May the peace and hope that can only be found in Jesus be more real to you than ever as we continue through the journey of life.

Emily

hiatus

This post is a notice of my hiatus from blogging for awhile. You might be thinking, "Hiatus? Didn't she just start up again a month ago?" Well, yes. And I have enjoyed writing my thoughts here. However, I have turned blogging into another part of the comparison game I play. You know the game - the one where you measure yourself by how much you either exceed or fall short of some other person in whatever category. I compare appearances, talents, and possessions. My new flavor of comparison, though, is much worse I think. I am comparing relationships. Recently a couple of friends of mine started blogging. They are actually what prompted me to get back into the blogging world. I thought "Hey, I used to blog too! That was kind of fun. I'll do that again." But then that turned into, "Hey, look at me! I blog too! Read my blog!", which turned into "Hey, why aren't as many people reading my blog? Why don't I have as many 'followers'?" All of this ultimately turns into "Hey, people don't care about me as much. People don't like me as much. People don't want to read what I have to say." This is a dangerous, lie-filled road, and one that I am refusing to continue following. This line of thought threatens my self-worth, my relationships with my friends, and ultimately my view of my mighty, loving, gracious God. And that is something I cannot sacrifice. So until blogging becomes something I do for pure enjoyment for myself and the desire to speak to people - whether it's 1 or 100 - through writing, I will no longer be posting. My blog will collect cyber cobwebs. My life will fill with other things. And one day, perhaps, I'll be back. With a fresher perspective and with a healthier heart.

Emily

small miracles

I've always wanted to be the kind of person who sent Christmas cards annually. Maybe even with a little newsletter chronicling the previous year of my life updating friends and family with the revolving door of jobs I've had and cities I've lived in. This year I am halfway there. I am creating cards using a sketch I did of Lucy about a year ago. She looks so peaceful here. Of course most of my sketches of her are sleeping ones since that is the only time she is still enough for me to draw. I also think this sketch reflects how the holidays would be in my ideal world - slower, lazier, with enough time to enjoy the small miracles we so often take for granted. I hope you are able to enjoy a Christmas like that. Me? I'm going to go enjoy this little miracle with a game of fetch and a short snooze on the couch.

7 songs for your soul

songs to download immediately for your own good:

"that moon song" by gregory alan isakov and brandi carlile
"my mirror speaks" by death cab for cutie
"near to you" by a fine frenzy
"maybe" by ingrid michaelson
"she is love" by parachute
"life is beautiful" by vega4

and because it's christmas, my favorite - "i celebrate the day" by relient k

little girl

Little girl sits with her head in her hands,
back at Point A with disappeared plans.
Picture in her dreams is starting to blur,
and the doubts creep back in, hunting for her.
She's starting to feel herself fade away,
and all she can do is cry, think and pray.
She calls to her Father who loves without limit,
and his voice answers back; she can hear his grace in it.
A whispered reminder of eternity spoken,
enduring promise that will never be broken.
A savior, a friend, Son of God, Son of Man,
sits close by the girl with her head in her hands.

the tightrope

Driving home last night after a long and enjoyable evening, I was having a great conversation with a friend about dating and relationships. (When you're single about 75% of your conversations revolve around this topic. The other 25% is comprised of work-related talk and discussing whether these jeans make you look fat.) As we talked about the usual topic - the difficulty of meeting, or even finding, single Christian men who aren't socially awkward - I found myself gradually puffing with pride.

In our group of friends there is a multitude of single women. The ratio is very unbalanced. These women are incredible. And I'm not just saying that because they are my friends. They are. Nurses, teachers, counselors. Getting graduate degrees, taking on leadership at work, buying houses. Serving others, giving advice, intentionally reaching out. These are beautiful, strong, independent, thoughtful, loving women. I am in good company. But how is it that this incredible pool of female amazement remains single? And not just unmarried, but some of us without a date since tight-rolling and big bangs were in style. On my last date I saw the movie Titanic. In the theater.

As I stewed in my indignant outrage regarding this perplexing matter, my conversation with my friend turned to whose fault it is. I, of course, claimed it was all the males. They don't know how to pursue a woman anymore, they're all looking for the nonexistent ideal - the supermodel who has her doctorate and cooks a fantastic pot roast - and the like. But my friend challenged me to think about my (and our) part in the whole mess of dating. We as women need to be open to the men in our lives, not letting ourselves be taken advantage of and not "settling", but willing to get to know someone, to reserve judgment, and see where things go. It is okay to encourage a potential suitor (I like the old-fashioned phrasing of that, don't you?) by showing an interest in that person without being consumed by it - my usual downfall.

My friend and I ultimately concluded that responsibility lies with both sides. It is a delicate tightrope we walk in the world of dating and relationships. Lean too far to either side and disaster happens. I can do my part, but in the meantime I am going to enjoy being a part of an amazing group of single women who inspire me daily. Oh, and by the way, do these jeans make me look fat?