hiatus

This post is a notice of my hiatus from blogging for awhile. You might be thinking, "Hiatus? Didn't she just start up again a month ago?" Well, yes. And I have enjoyed writing my thoughts here. However, I have turned blogging into another part of the comparison game I play. You know the game - the one where you measure yourself by how much you either exceed or fall short of some other person in whatever category. I compare appearances, talents, and possessions. My new flavor of comparison, though, is much worse I think. I am comparing relationships. Recently a couple of friends of mine started blogging. They are actually what prompted me to get back into the blogging world. I thought "Hey, I used to blog too! That was kind of fun. I'll do that again." But then that turned into, "Hey, look at me! I blog too! Read my blog!", which turned into "Hey, why aren't as many people reading my blog? Why don't I have as many 'followers'?" All of this ultimately turns into "Hey, people don't care about me as much. People don't like me as much. People don't want to read what I have to say." This is a dangerous, lie-filled road, and one that I am refusing to continue following. This line of thought threatens my self-worth, my relationships with my friends, and ultimately my view of my mighty, loving, gracious God. And that is something I cannot sacrifice. So until blogging becomes something I do for pure enjoyment for myself and the desire to speak to people - whether it's 1 or 100 - through writing, I will no longer be posting. My blog will collect cyber cobwebs. My life will fill with other things. And one day, perhaps, I'll be back. With a fresher perspective and with a healthier heart.

Emily

small miracles

I've always wanted to be the kind of person who sent Christmas cards annually. Maybe even with a little newsletter chronicling the previous year of my life updating friends and family with the revolving door of jobs I've had and cities I've lived in. This year I am halfway there. I am creating cards using a sketch I did of Lucy about a year ago. She looks so peaceful here. Of course most of my sketches of her are sleeping ones since that is the only time she is still enough for me to draw. I also think this sketch reflects how the holidays would be in my ideal world - slower, lazier, with enough time to enjoy the small miracles we so often take for granted. I hope you are able to enjoy a Christmas like that. Me? I'm going to go enjoy this little miracle with a game of fetch and a short snooze on the couch.

7 songs for your soul

songs to download immediately for your own good:

"that moon song" by gregory alan isakov and brandi carlile
"my mirror speaks" by death cab for cutie
"near to you" by a fine frenzy
"maybe" by ingrid michaelson
"she is love" by parachute
"life is beautiful" by vega4

and because it's christmas, my favorite - "i celebrate the day" by relient k

little girl

Little girl sits with her head in her hands,
back at Point A with disappeared plans.
Picture in her dreams is starting to blur,
and the doubts creep back in, hunting for her.
She's starting to feel herself fade away,
and all she can do is cry, think and pray.
She calls to her Father who loves without limit,
and his voice answers back; she can hear his grace in it.
A whispered reminder of eternity spoken,
enduring promise that will never be broken.
A savior, a friend, Son of God, Son of Man,
sits close by the girl with her head in her hands.

the tightrope

Driving home last night after a long and enjoyable evening, I was having a great conversation with a friend about dating and relationships. (When you're single about 75% of your conversations revolve around this topic. The other 25% is comprised of work-related talk and discussing whether these jeans make you look fat.) As we talked about the usual topic - the difficulty of meeting, or even finding, single Christian men who aren't socially awkward - I found myself gradually puffing with pride.

In our group of friends there is a multitude of single women. The ratio is very unbalanced. These women are incredible. And I'm not just saying that because they are my friends. They are. Nurses, teachers, counselors. Getting graduate degrees, taking on leadership at work, buying houses. Serving others, giving advice, intentionally reaching out. These are beautiful, strong, independent, thoughtful, loving women. I am in good company. But how is it that this incredible pool of female amazement remains single? And not just unmarried, but some of us without a date since tight-rolling and big bangs were in style. On my last date I saw the movie Titanic. In the theater.

As I stewed in my indignant outrage regarding this perplexing matter, my conversation with my friend turned to whose fault it is. I, of course, claimed it was all the males. They don't know how to pursue a woman anymore, they're all looking for the nonexistent ideal - the supermodel who has her doctorate and cooks a fantastic pot roast - and the like. But my friend challenged me to think about my (and our) part in the whole mess of dating. We as women need to be open to the men in our lives, not letting ourselves be taken advantage of and not "settling", but willing to get to know someone, to reserve judgment, and see where things go. It is okay to encourage a potential suitor (I like the old-fashioned phrasing of that, don't you?) by showing an interest in that person without being consumed by it - my usual downfall.

My friend and I ultimately concluded that responsibility lies with both sides. It is a delicate tightrope we walk in the world of dating and relationships. Lean too far to either side and disaster happens. I can do my part, but in the meantime I am going to enjoy being a part of an amazing group of single women who inspire me daily. Oh, and by the way, do these jeans make me look fat?

the music of home

Stale leaves and black ice crunch,
snap of a key in the lock and sigh of a screen door.
Coffee pops and spits in steaming pot,
clicking padded dog feet and a jingling collar.
Guitar strings playfully picked along.
The whisper of a page turned and
the sporadic scratch of ballpoint on paper.
Alto echoes room by room,
as laughter floats through warmth.
This is the music of home.

lucy

Top Ten Reasons I Have the Best Dog Ever

10. She is relentlessly hopeful. One day she will catch that squirrel.

9. She does the best pathetic starving orphan impression.

8. When she gets too excited about a treat, she just does all of her tricks in a row in hopes that one of them is right (Have you ever seen a dog shake/roll over/play dead/sit?)

7. When I cry, she comes to sit by me, usually offering me a toy and putting her head in my lap.

6. When I wake up in the morning I inevitably only have about 6 inches of space left to occupy, while she snuggles into me, but I'm warm.

5. I haven't had to clean up food off the floor in years.

4. She does somersaults. Seriously.

3. When she pulls on her leash in pursuit of the aforementioned squirrel, causing me to do a sprawling slide into the mud, it's a great reminder not to take life too seriously.

2. Even though she has chewed two legs off her stuffed tiger, it still squeaks and remains her most treasured possession.

1. She lets me curl up by her, rest my head on her side, and fall asleep after a long day. Somehow she knows I need it.